Night Shift Peanut Division
GOOBER
He guards the jar. Nobody asked him to.
Pantry Patrol
At 2:13 a.m., GOOBER clocks into the pantry with dark glasses, one emergency pumpkin, and no visible paperwork. He checks every shelf twice, ignores the crackers, and stands beside the peanut butter until sunrise. Nothing has ever gone missing. Nothing had tried.
Working Habits
Three methods. Still on duty. No training manual survived.
Jar Proximity
Never more than one paw from the primary asset.
Low Profile
Sunglasses stay on during all internal investigations.
Pumpkin Backup
Orange bucket handles seasonal emergencies and loose snacks.
Known Details
The personnel file remains unusually short.
Ticker
$GOOB
Role
Pantry night watch
Uniform
Peanut shell, standard issue
Shift
2:13 a.m. until sunrise
Equipment
Dark glasses, orange bucket
Threat Level
Mostly crumbs
The jar remains under observation.